This past weekend was very emotional and wonderful. Ever since I married my best friend, I have spent Mother’s Day looking forward to the day we would be parents together, but we wanted a few years of marriage to ourselves and some time to finish college and grad school / seminary. However, as what seemed like “all” my friends and acquaintances were getting pregnant, jealousy started creeping in. Add to this that my job is in childcare, I started becoming more impatient for it to be “my turn” and to raise a child with my husband. Mother’s Day 2014 was difficult. It felt so unfair. By that point, I knew there was nothing more I wanted to do with my life than to be a mother – to provide someone with a happy, stable childhood and raise someone to have the capabilities of making this world a better place. Yet, my husband and I were waiting for a better time. As friends around me experienced miscarriages, I worried that if I ever did have the chance to become pregnant, that it would end tragically.
I have two special memories that really stand out to me from last year’s Mother’s Day. The first happened at our church, which provided carnations to all the moms. I was given a carnation from the woman handing them out, who told me she had a feeling it was God’s plan to have motherhood in my future. Later that day, my friend, for whom I was nannying, called me to wish me a “Happy Mother’s Day.” When I stuttered in confusion, she thanked me for being a “second mom” to her daughter. This conversation brought tears of understanding and happiness.
This year, I was pregnant for Mother’s Day. My husband and I celebrated Mother’s Day for a few reasons:
- A pre-born baby is genetically human and scientifically alive and fully unique in personhood from the moment of conception.
- Parents have to make so many choices and life adjustments for their pre-born baby’s health (such as nutrition, medication, and following the recommended do-not list) and sometimes these decisions require great sacrifice.
- We believe that people who have lost a child through miscarriage are parents; they feel the same overwhelming love and grief of parents who have lost a child after birth.
I had a rough week with the clinical depression, so we decided to take Mother’s Day easy and spread out celebrations. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I spent much of my free time playing the computer game “The Testament of Sherlock Holmes.” It was nice to relax, and the baby is much more active when I am relaxing. I could see my reflection in the laptop screen and watch my belly move. It was great bonding time.
Saturday, my husband grilled hot dogs over charcoal (making sure mine was heated to a safe temperature for the baby), and he surprised me with an O’Doul’s (non-alcoholic beer), telling me about the research he did on O’Doul’s and pregnancy. Then that evening, we went to get my favorite ice cream – cake batter ice cream from Cold Stone. I also got a little tart cherry frozen yogurt on the side. We sat in the car while the sun set and chatted while we ate and listened to the country music playing at the near-by restaurant. (Unfortunately, the Cold Stone and my morning sickness didn’t get along, and I spent the rest of the evening and all night sick. Still worth it.)
Sunday, my husband had his regular church duties, and it was my week to go to late service. (I flip flop early and late services every week so I see all the members.) I woke up, and he was gone already. I got ready to go, and just before I was about to leave, my husband came running across the street from the church to our vicarage house to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day and walk me over to church. It was then that I noticed a card was on the table. He had one of his figure-eight birds drawn on the envelope. (I used to tease him in high school about his bird doodles.) He messed up this bird’s beak, which struck me as hilarious, and I laughed until I cried. Then I composed myself, read the card, we walked over to church together.
After church, we went to Target and Michael’s to pick up a white maternity shirt and some pink and blue fabric paint. We had our 20-week-ultrasound scheduled for the next day, and we were hoping to learn the gender. We decided to do our FaceBook gender announcement with pictures of him with his hands over my belly in a heart shape, and then a second picture of his hands removed to reveal handprints on the shirt, either pink or blue. So we spent the afternoon picking up the supplies for that.
It was a wonderful first Mother’s Day, and I am so blessed to have this child and so blessed to have my husband. I am so thankful that God has all this planned – all in His time.